Friday, 16 March 2018

Making friends as an adult.

How do you make friends as an adult? You'd think having children it'd be the done thing to meet other parents in the park, or at school drop offs. You'd think being a military wife you'd be in some kind of 'community', and meet people in similar situations to yourself. You'd think it was quite easy. Maybe it's me, but I find it quite difficult. Right now I'm a RAF wife, living on an Army camp... I feel like an outcast. I feel scared to say we're an air force family in case that somehow makes us not good enough, or even comes across as if we think we're better. I don't, for the record. I'M not military, my Husband is. And that is separate to who I am as a person. Adults already have friends, are part of groups and cliques. Unlike when you're a child, you're not accepted as a newbie into a group quite so easily.

I try and say hello to people I walk past on camp. If I want to start up a conversation I'll pay someone a compliment, or ask where their clothes are from. I'll make a comment about how the weather is - so British! - or how my morning has been. Often I get very little back. Perhaps a head nod if I'm lucky - we've been living here for seven months now. I love the friends I have, but they're not here. I need friends, but at the same time I don't want any more friends, I love the ones I have?! It seems like a lot of effort to meet people I'll only see for the next year or so, and then start the process all over again. It's draining. But I guess that's military life?!


This week I've finally had an adult conversation with someone other than my Husband for the first time in seven weeks. Seven weeks is a long time to not see family and friends, and that afternoon of adult company happened at the right time. Any longer and I'm sure the loneliness would've started taking it's toll on my mental health, and my family life. I love my family and love that we're able to be together but as much as I hate to say it, sometimes it's not enough. I love moving around with Stu, and exploring new areas, but I don't enjoy the making new friends part. I need more than toddler chat in the day, and Husband chat in the evening. I need friends. Real life friends, not just the amazing ones in my phone.

Is it too soon to call this person my friend?! Maybe, but in time I think we could be, and even if it doesn't work out, I'm just grateful for having that afternoon of talk, and play with the children. I laughed, and felt like me again. Even Stu commented saying that I seemed happier.

So I guess my advice for making friends as an adult is to carry on being yourself. If you want to say hello, then do. Even if you know they wont respond. Go to the park even if you don't really feel like it, especially if there are other people there already. Be confident, and put yourself out there. Offer to have a playdate, or be the one to ask if they're free for a coffee. Join a local library/gym class/coffee morning/evening group to find people with similar interests. Having social media is an amazing way to not feel alone, but it doesn't always mean you're not lonely. They're different things.

Do you have any advice on making friends as an adult?

Sunday, 11 March 2018

Being Mum

Happy Mother’s Day 2018!

With the normal overtired, slightly whingy, and constant attention needing child behaviour today has felt very much like a normal day being Mum. But with the lay in, breakfast in bed, beyond thoughtful gifts, and my babies saying Happy Birthday Happy Mothers Day, and absolutely showering me with cuddles and love, it’s felt very much like Mother’s day. And a day worth celebrating.

Each chapter of your life requires a new, changed version of yourself. You might not realise it at the time, but it happens. It took a LONG time for me to realise that I was now Mum. I’m still me, but I’m also Mum and this past week I’ve really felt like I’ve played that role.

It’s easy to live life in your every day routines, you forget the small things you do that make you Mum. The early wake up times, the nappy changes, the sacrifice of peaceful bathroom trips, and an active, spontaneous social life. But when something bigger happens, and I’m the responsible adult, in charge of a tiny life that I love beyond words, I feel like Mum.

This week Leonard has been in A&E and then admitted to an overnight stay in hospital for yet another viral induced wheeze. He has now had four sets of steroids in 6 months. I drove to hospital alone with Lenny, not because I wanted to, I hate parenting solo in these situations, but because I was being selfless in not waking Phoebe and dragging her out of bed just to take her home again a few hours later.

Two days later I took Phoebe to the doctors, where I was told she had tonsillitis. But I wasn’t happy with her breathing so took her to out of hours that same evening. The paediatric GP said it wasn’t tonsillitis, but a chest infection and ear infection with a viral sore throat.

My poor babies, they’re in a bad way so I didn’t get to see my own Mum today (which I cried about!). I always feel most like a Mum when they need me because they’re poorly. Even more so than when I’m solo parenting. Because when they’re dependant on me in a way that isn’t making dinner, or getting them dressed, It’s scary. But I’d do it a thousand times over if I had to because I love them, and I love being their Mum.

Friday, 9 March 2018

Marwell Zoo, Winchester

Marwell Zoo In February




Marwell Zoo in February is COLD. (Much like Stonehenge in December!) The weather has been colder than usual for the end of February to be fair, but we still had a really great time. It was a spontaneous trip, which for us is a rarity, and made the day even more exciting. Luckily I had my camera battery charged and ready to go, and we told the children just as we arrived. They thought we were going to one of our usual garden centres!



This is ME we're talking about though, and with the rush excitement of leaving the house quickly to get there for a full day out, I forgot my larger SD card so had to make do with the spares I keep on me and change them over each time one got full! Small price to pay though. I did vlog the day, which you can see on my Abby Indge YouTube channel, and I got some nice photos that I'll add to this post as always.

Price wise we thought it was very reasonable. We booked online in advance which I believe is the cheapest way to get tickets, and Lenny was free, so it was under £40 for all of us to get in. Bargain. 

There are lots of fun animals to see, we got close to the tigers prowling their encounters, and Phoebe was excited to see the penguin show on our way out! I love giraffes so much that we went to see them twice!



I would have loved to have gotten closer to the flamingos, but the trains don't run throughout the winter - much to Lenny's disappointment! - and without the train you can only see them from a distance.



The queue for hot food was understandably busy at 12pm, and so we were glad we bought a lot of snacks/ a mini picnic for the kids. Stu and I grabbed a slice of cake and a nice warming coffee to keep us going. So bare that in mind if you're going with kids! I'd advise to eat early, late, or bring your own! There are plenty of seats both inside and out.

I asked Stu why his photos kept coming out blurry when he's had basic camera lessons as part of his CSI role training. He said it's because his subject don't normally move as they're dead!!! Can't argue with that!

He loves me and my blurry photos really!

I'm hoping to go to Winchester again, this time to explore the area as I've heard it's beautiful. Any recommendations?

Monday, 5 March 2018

The Beast From The East!

A photo scrapbook.

 On the preschool run. Phoebe doesn't like the falling snow in her eyes, hence the umbrella! The winds were so strong she nearly went flying Mary Poppins style!

Leonard's face didn't stay this smiley for long, he feels the cold, and he does NOT like it!

Playing with the snow in the tuff tray to keep warm inside!

I finally convinced Phoebe and Leonard to come outside to play! I'm so glad because it all melted away the next day! Don't you just LOVE that fresh, smooth, fluffy blanket of uninterrupted snow?! I desperately wanted to do a snow angel there, but it soon got trampled on!

 Sliding into the snow! This puddlesuit was a genius idea, I need to get one for Lenny.

 Throwing snow into the air!

Snow angels! 

Our garden toys are kept in the pink bucket you can see in the photo below. The sledges are in there but when I went to get them out I discovered a giant bucket sized ice cube instead! It really made me laugh. 

Without sledges available, and with our garden being on a hill we compromised with a bucket sledge instead! Lenny loved it.


I was starting to get cabin fever being stuck on camp, so Phoebe and I took a walk and were the only ones crazy enough to go to the park! 

The swings and slide were dry so we took full advantage before a game of hide and seek! It's easy to find bright pink with a near on white background!

Love her. 

My little goofball. She insisted on sitting in that tree for a photo! She knows what I like! 

Did you have fun in the snow? A vlog from this weekend went live on my YouTube channel this morning.